Sometimes you just have to laugh at life. If you don't it'll just make you cry. This may be the most perfect example of this. I have put a slight embargo on talking about my shoulder on the blog, but I figured that I'd make an exception for this topic. I knew you'd all get a kick out of this one.
Spoke to one of my doctors' nurses today about some of the equipment I'll need to purchase for my surgery. I thought I'd just need a brace to keep my shoulder close to my body and then I'd be good to go. Oh no. G-d has a much better sense of humor than that. I guess they figure that while I'm in pain and incapacitated, they might as well go ahead and have people laugh at me too. Have you ever heard of an Abduction Pillow??? I hadn't. Well, I had heard that it may have been a possibility after the surgery, but I had no idea what that meant. Maybe that it was a pillow to put under my shoulder. No big deal. I sleep with one under there anyway.
Oh no, again G-d and his sense of humor comes in.. Check out this silly thing. Please ignore the model's unfortunate choice of clothing and the poor fit of the shorts around the crotch area. Instead, I'd like you to focus on the big, huge, sleepingbag-like item that is sitting on her hip. THAT IS THE ABDUCTION PILLOW!!!! Are you freaking for real???!!! Where the hell am I going to be able to go with that thing strapped on to me??
Please, for one moment imagine me with my big ulcer like growth trying to get on the metro with that. A crowded elevator? The chair in my office? My car? I'm having trouble visioning all of this. They might as well have told me that they were going to slap on some braces and make me wear head gear to school! FOR REAL??!! I thought I was done with the social pariah phase of my life when I graduated from High School. Oh no. G-d wasn't done having fun. I guess I'll just have to learn to have fun with it as well.
I am open for suggestions on the best way to decorate my abductioner... also, if you're lucky I may let you sign it.
4 comments:
How could we not laugh? That picture is absolutely rediculous.
It really is terrible, do you absolutely have to wear it? It would make for quite the humorous display on metro during rush hour. Maybe you could disguise it with a decorative tapestry?
My condolences for your relegation to "social pariah" status :-( At least it's not permanent right?
The picture is a classic and trust me, there will be plenty of pictures of me in that thing. Yes, self deprication is one of the things I love doing on this blog.
The doctor has not said how long I will have to wear it.. or if it will need to be fully inflated.
Everyone hope for the best and least funny option.
At the price of comparing that picture to the mona-lisa, I wonder exactly what she's smiling about. She's now published, wearing THAT outfit with THAT pillow.
You should camouflage it. Make it seem like something else, like a handbag, or a boom box. Or better yet, sew the brace on to the biggest stuffed animal you can find.
Ray, you know for a fact that there will be a picture of me standing JUST like that lady, wearing an outfit JUST like that lady... and it's going to be published right here.. stay tuned!
Also, thanks for the decoration suggestions. I was thinking the pillow would get theme decorations. Menorah for Chanakuh. Ornament for Christmas. Nike swoosh when I'm feeling sporty. Maybe a dog head sticking out of the top so it looks like a pet carrier.. the boom box is a good one. I don't know so much about the biggest stuffed animal.. I can only imagine that may be a little uncomfortable.
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