Crossfit Prenuptials

In honor of Valentine's Day, I present the Crossfit Prenuptials...


Plenty of people go to their Crossfit box everyday in the hopes of killing the WOD, getting sweaty and having some fun at the same time. In addition to that, others also go to their affiliate with images of burgeoning love on their mind.

A young woman has her eye on the Adonis who has a sub 3 minute Fran and a flawless muscle up. The Adonis has also noticed the hot chick with the six pack, tight ass and slightly caloused hands. The two begin chatting. She encourages him to put out in the final round of a particularly nasty Tabata set. He strips the bar after she finishes her deadlifts (not that she needs him to, but she lets him because it makes him feel good). They talk smack to each other throughout their workouts, they do some situps together as a quick little finisher, and then they high five. Very cute.
Eventually, they start biking into Crossfit together. They tape each others hands up. They hit the WOD and then they go out to get something to eat and coffee. They have become a Crossfit couple and they look damn good together.

Everything is wonderful with the world... until one day... She starts to notice that he's checking out the new girl that actually loves doing burpees, and she gets frustrated because all he talks about is getting a more efficient front squat and how much yesterday's WOD gassed him. He also begins to notice that she can't keep up with him when they go running together, and it drives him crazy when her callouses scratch his face. The happy Crossfit couple isn't so happy anymore... They decide to breakup.

Breaking up sucks, but there is an entirely new dimension when Crossfit couples break up. It's almost like when parents divorce and they have to decide who keeps the kids, but the question here is, "Who keeps the gym?" This could lead to a lot of unnecessary tension, but there is a way to avoid this. At the beginning of the Crossfit couple's relationship, there should be a discussion about this. It should come up with the "defining the relationship" talk and the "STD" talk. It's a "Crossfit Prenup" discussion. This way you can avoid a Madonna/Guy Ritchie situation. Below, I have listed some of the things that should be touched upon in this conversation.
1. If we break up, will we continue to workout at [insert name of Crossfit affiliate]? If the answer is "no" here, you should decide who will have to leave and select some other nearby affiliates that may be an option for the departing party to attend. I suggest longevity of Crossfit affiliate attendence to decide who stays and who goes. The person who's been around the longest gets to pick. Sorry, short-timer!

2. Should we begin going at different times? ..ie.. you come in at 5pm and I'll come in at 7pm. This way we minimize the possibility of seeing each other.

3. We agree that we will wait a "respectable time period" (this term should be defined) before we begin dating another fellow Crossfitter.

4. If we have bought workout equipment (kettlebells, barbells, bumper plates, dumbells) together, we will divide them... (Figure out how to divide them. I can't do it all. You guys have to do some work here too.)

5. If we made paralleets together.. she gets them. Come on dude, you can make your own set.

6. If we plan to attend any Crossfit certifications you must notify each other in advance, so you both are not shocked to see each other. This also avoids any possibility of unexpectedly seeing one half of the Crossfit couple with a new Crossfitter. Ouch. Notification can be done through blogs, Crossfit friends or Crossfit coaches.

7. Attending Crossfit functions should be done with some care. We should both agree to be kind to one another if you do in fact run into each other. It's inevitable that this will happen. You, as a concientious Crossfitter, have a responsibility to make sure that your fellow Crossfitters don't have to put up with uncomfortable Crossfit couple fighting. You're an adult. Keep your crap neatly tucked away.

8. At some point in time, your hurt feelings will heal. You may even be able to begin attending the same Crossfit classes. Once this happens, I will refer you to number 7 again. There will be no snide remarks about how each of you performed in bed or nasty comments about form, strength or speed. Again, you're an adult. Keep your crap neatly tucked away.

9. You should outline what will happen, if one of you starts dating another Crossfitter. The single Crossfitter should NOT take this as an opportunity to be mean to the third party, who is now part of your Crossfit triangle.

10. You should discuss this agreement with your Crossfit coach. They may seem like they are tough as nails on the outside, but they will quickly realize that it is in their best interest that this Crossfit couple abides by the Crossfit Prenuptials. The coach can be seen as an impartial "go-to-person" if someone breaks the agreement. Think of it as a way to save money.. go to the coach instead of going to a lawyer.

All this being said, I'm sure the Crossfit couple will never have to worry about this because they will remain a happy couple. Their relationship will grow stronger as they become stronger athletes. I'm just saying, that a failure to plan is a plan to fail. Yay, Crossfit love!